Yes, but WHY?

This is a repost from my LiveJournal from last August. Seemed appropriate to have it here, too.

Early Wedding Thoughts

For obvious reasons, I've been thinking about weddings lately. Mine, in particular. (Getting it out of the way: I can't invite all of you, Live Journal. Sorry.) There's been discussion with her parents while we're on vacation, and I expect more in the near future with my family since we're seeing them next, and the question that seems to keep coming up:

"Well, what do you want?"

Which is fair. This wedding is half mine (or a quarter mine, or less, depending on who you ask and how you count). I do bear some responsibility and reap most of the rewards, so I should have a say. But there's so much I just don't care about. I don't care about which colors or which flowers or which music (at the ceremony anyway, I have definite ideas on music at the reception), and I don't have a preference for suits or tuxedos (I look rather dashing in both), and I'm not insistent on having a church wedding. Food would be nice, and I do want drinks and dancing, but if need be, I can live without them.

At the end of the day, what I want is to be married to the woman I love. Everything else is negotiable.

But the wedding is an important part to that. I can't dodge the question that easily; I've already tried. So me being me, I take it back to the basics: what do I want my wedding to say? What do weddings say, in general? Why do we have weddings? Why do we get married? That last question is what woke me up at 8 AM Central Daylight Time this morning and wouldn't let me get back to sleep. So here I am, sharing my thoughts with you. I imagine the answers to the rest of the questions will be shared, too, just as soon as I figure it out.

Okay, so. The union of man and wife. Why is that? I know I love her now. I can't imagine loving her more later. Marrying my lover, best friend, central pillar of emotional support, and massage therapist won't change how I feel about her. So then, why? I guess it has to do with societal pressure. The societal pressure, that is: people, humans, us, we weren't designed to be alone. We need companionship and friendship and love, we have a basic physical need to touch someone else.

(This is where, if I'd researched this at all, I'd link you to a study about babies and physical contact and emotional development or something, but this isn't one of those blog posts.)

Okay, so we have to have someone, but why married? Why not just cohabitate? It was good enough for caveman and cavewoman, right? Well sure, but they didn't have insurance companies that offer benefits for married couples. Neither did they have to worry about hospital visitation, or power of attorney, or all the other financial and legal and social benefits of a union recognized by the state.

This is the society we choose to live in, and gleefully (most of the time). I want to be married to her, because I want the full force of the state, federal, and international legal system and God Almighty himself behind me when I say, "That's her. She's the one for me, and there is no other. You. Will. NOT take her away from me."

That being said, lilies would be pretty, I think.